wow... hi. i guess this will be my first post here. it's been a while since i last updated this website. a week to be exact. i started building it on the 11th, worked almost every day on it until the 22nd, and then just kinda stopped. school has been very very tiring and it just drains all my energy out of my body so i have no more to work on my own personal projects. sigh. if it wasn't so damn tiring i could really enjoy school. maybe also if homework was optional and exams weren't as scary. but this is the real world and in this world it sucks. so there.
the reason i am writing this right now is because i really want to blog but tumblr's last update looks so horrible that i just can't bring myself to post there. plus i've abandoned it now in a way, i've essentially said "i can do it better myself" and left. the way my blog looks with the new update makes me uncomfortable. they moved around all the buttons for no reason and now it's just weird and there's all this empty space below posts and i hate it. which is why i want to create this safe place for myself.
next night, 30-04-22 10:54pm
umm. this is awkward but i forgot to continue writing this post. i only now remembered when i got in my bed. this happens all the time. i look forward to days where i can finally have time for myself and then when i'm there i waste it all doing nothing. then, as my body is starting to wind down for sleep, suddenly i want to do a million things, work on all of my projects at once, talk to all of my friends, practice the piano, go for a walk, learn how to cook, fly to the moon and back. but too tired for any of it. i will still write this post though.
i was supposed to meet up with my friend today and stay over at her house but it didn't happen. if it had, i would be in someone else's bed right now, probably busy doing something other than writing this post. yet here i am instead because i lied to her yesterday and said that i had too much homework i needed to get done and that i couldn't come. it will still happen, only tomorrow, we are going to play games and watch movies and do sleepover things and it will be fun. i just needed a day of doing nothing in between the school tiredness i already felt and the upcoming socializing tiredness, you know? but i did a little too much of nothing and now my relaxing me-time day is wasted.
i had a strange dream yesterday. i was in a very deep pool (i think it was a pool?) and by very deep i mean very very very deep, it was like i was at the bottom of the ocean, floating in the water, having no trouble breathing but not questioning it at all, and there were thousands of jellyfish everywhere. i say thousands but really it felt like millions. for as far as i could see, there were jellyfish above me, jellyfish below me, jellyfish all around me, jellyfish everywhere. it wasn't scary though, it was just magical. it felt very special. fear didn't even cross my mind. it was so vivid that i can almost picture it still. i think this dream has changed the way i will look at jellyfishes forever.
i had so many thoughts yesterday but they must have all leaked out of my ears while i slept. i guess this will be all. it's midnight already? i have been writing this for an hour? i should go. i'm sure you have things to do as well. talk later.