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15-11-22 11:09pm
she's talking about being tired again?

it's become a bad habit of mine that i keep putting off writing in my blog. it's always in the back of my head, i should update my blog, i should document these things happening to me before i forget them, and then i just don't do it. i'm doing it now so here goes. i've been kind of absent minded lately. last thursday i was walking to the bus stop, the same route i've been taking almost every day for the past year and a half, but this time, for some reason, it didn't register in my brain that i had arrived at the stop and now it was time to stand around and wait, no, i passed right by it and just kept walking. only after a couple minutes with my head in the clouds i realized, wait... where the hell am i... and then i turned around and walked all the way back. this whole thing gave me this weird confused feeling that i don't know how to describe. i think it just happened because i've been really stressed. i have only one exam left now so i feel like i can relax a little bit more. i'm secretly hoping that my friend doesn't ask to hang out this week. i love her but i just need a couple days of doing nothing to get my brain back together. i know if i tell this to her she will think it's an excuse so i just need her to not ask me. edit: she did ask me. arg. but maybe this will be good for me.

i'm so tired... so so tired... this tiredness reminds me of when i was depressed during quarantine times. i don't think i'm depressed now but getting out of bed has become very difficult and going to my classes is starting to feel more and more like a chore. the weeks just keep coming and coming and I NEED A BREAK. i miss being a neet sometimes. oh how simple my life was. now it's all too much. no it isn't. i'm just whiny. a whiny baby. ok. i guess i should give you some updates on my life besides being tired. my dad is finally going to get to retire in early 2023 and so i'm happy about that. i'm happy because i will get to spend more time with him but also because seeing him hate this job makes me sad. he deserves a rest. he reminds me of the song dear john by i monster that goes baby... do you read me... i think these numbers are beginning to eat me... sometimes i wish that money wasn't a thing that existed.

i got so bored during class today that i started analyzing my own handwriting. apparently i am intuitive, i want to be noticed, i have strong emotions and big hopes and dreams. me and everybody else on planet earth. my wisdom teeth are starting to finally pop their heads up so i'm constantly feeling around my teeth with my tongue. i hope they will give me super increased bite strength... not that i need it... but it would be cool. and umm... here's a cool picture i took of my tea the other day.

p.s. there should really be an easier way of updating my website on mobile. ok goodnight.