hi... it's been a while. you know you're a real blogger when you're starting every second post with an "it's been a while". there's just not a lot happening in my life these days. i went to ikea with my friend yesterday and that's pretty much the only exciting thing that's happened to me this month. we looked at all the christmas decorations and "borrowed" some tree ornaments all while avoiding eye contact with the vulturing security guards and slowly going insane from the same christmas songs playing on a loop above us. i think we were in the holiday section for a good couple hours. in the end i got a cute little mushroom ornament and she got a little glass figure which she tragically DROPPED and BROKE later that day. she was very sad about it so we walked all the way back to get something else for her, which happened to be a pack of chalk for some reason.

"do you even have a chalkboard?"
"no, but the colors are pretty."
i think i'm a bad influence on her :c

the other day i was emotional and now i'm... not so much. i found myself reverting back to my "can't trust anyone, no exceptions" way of thinking but this time i actually reached out to the person i was feeling this way about which is a big deal for me. i did feel embarrassed and stupid and silly but ultimately i think i'm glad i did it. i also documented how i was feeling by voice recording myself... there's three recordings, the first two i'm crying and talking about how there must be something wrong with me, then the third one (recorded only a couple minutes later) is just me laughing and saying "oook yeah, i'm all good now, it's fine, it's fiiiine..."

but yeeeah. i don't think i have anything else to say right now. i'm looking forward to the end of this semester and also january. can you believe this year is almost over? can you?