dear diary, i'm sad and mad once again. arg. but it's fine. i won't talk about that too much here because i can't. idk who reads these. so i'll talk about other things. umm... i did get the piercing done! i know you were dying to know so you can stop holding your breath now.

(conversation between me and the piercer with the needle already in my ear)
him: how old are you btw?
me: (being brave about the pain and not showing it at all) ermm... twenty.
him: you're twenty? (surprised voice)
me: do i not look it..? (questioning voice)
him: not at all. (kind of surprised but normal voice)
me: okah. (indifferent voice)

basically i look 12. anyway i ended up getting a rook cause he said that my anatomy would not support a daith... but maybe it's for the best cause my friend was kinda starting to talk me out of the daith anyway. i've already posted about this on my tumblr blog so if you're reaaally crazy about my life you should follow me there for daily updates. i'm not going to tell you my blog though. you should already know. but anyway, the piercing hasn't really caused me problems yet, i spray a little spray on it couple times a day and it's good. it only hurts if i move it and stuff. i can kinda lay on it and also have no problems listening to music with my headphones. i just need to wear them kinda low on that ear but i'm already used to doing that for my helix that took over a year to heal so that is fiiine by me.

then a bunch of stuff that i can't mention here. i guess i'll try to speak in code... being online... sucks... my soul out of my body... in a good way... but also sometimes not in a good way... blaah blah yeah basically i feel bad and kind of crazy. it's ok. yep. did you know the one year anniversary of this blog was last month??? i forgot to mention it on my last post but yaaaay! i love writing here even though probably no one reads it. say you're proud of me for keeping it going. i do want to work more on my website but there are not enough hours in the day and also not enough dopamine in my brain. ugh. i actually feel so bad recently. like i cannot focus on anything. i have a lecture open right now in another tab but i muted it cause the white noise whenever the teacher is talking got too overwhelming. aahhh what is wrong with me.

i went out yesterday evening by myself. just walked around... listened to music... sat down by the sea and watched the seagulls as the sun slowly set... thoughtfully sipping on my monster energy drink. 8/10 by the way, the white monster. i downloaded a bunch of songs on my old mp3 player so i was listening to music on that. i was actually going to buy beer to drink by myself but there were too many people in the alcohol aisle and i got shy for some stupid reason so i went with the monster instead. i also kept the can cause it looks cool. umm yeah. i'm still kinda sad. i need to have a conversation with someone but idk how to bring it up without sounding crazy. anyways... end of post. roll credits.