umm ok i didn't write yesterday. whatever. SUE ME. sorry. i was too sad because the runoffs happened and it did not go the way i wanted. this country is doomed forever. i could go on and on about it but i won't because i don't want to talk politics on my internet journal. what kind of weirdo would do that? i'll just tell you about friday instead. the day of the plan. do you remember the plan? i was periodically sending text messages the whole night so i'm going to add some of those messages to this post to show you where my head was at the time. also just a fair warning before i start, this story involves a lot of throwing up.

my dad dropped me off at my friend's at 5pm and then we spent two hours getting ready. i wasn't planning on it but i also put on some makeup, not a full face but just some color on my eyes, and to my surprise it was kinda fun. as i was looking at myself in the mirror trying to get my eyes to look even, i thought maybe i'll start doing this on my own. it was about 7pm by the time we were ready to leave. the first place we had in mind was way too full so we found another place, found a spot inside, and each had a couple slices of pizza and two beers. for some reason we were racing each other on who could finish their beer the fastest? as if it matters, as if we weren't trying to make the night last.

text message at 9:39pm:
- umm
- i'm at a bar bathroom right now
- i just had
- the best pizza in da world

i didn't think i would really be feeling anything after two beers but i could already kind of feel my head getting slightly heavier and things getting slightly blurrier. if it were up to me, i would have been perfectly happy going home after that. but we did not, we kept walking till we found another place.

(conversation with my friend as we were walking)
me: on a scale of 1 to 10, below 5 being tipsy and anything over that being drunk, what are you right now?
my friend: umm. like a 6?
me: i'd say i'm like a 7.
my friend: really??? hahahha
me: yeah! haha :)

text message at 10:48pm:
- i'm in a horrible place

the second place we went to was hidden away up a flight of stairs. i don't think you could last longer than a couple minutes sober in there. it was just a medium sized room filled with cigarette smoke and music so loud you had to lean in to hear the person next to you, with about a 1 to 15 female to male ratio and everyone screaming the lyrics to the song playing. even at a 7/10 drunkness i didn't really feel safe in there. we sat down, ordered two gin and tonics and once again raced each other on who could finish it the fastest. dumb fucking mistake! at some point i got up to go to the bathroom and my head was spinning.

text message at 11:26pm:
- goe i am@fucifn
- mu frkwnd wants to have naotjer deink but i loterwlly cannot see dtraight

(conversation with my friend after i sat back down)
me: i think we should go...
my friend: what are you right now? 1 to 10?
me: i think i'm an 8...
my friend: HAHAHA. me too. we should get another one.
me: no...
my friend: YES!

and then we got another one. just one, my friend convinced me, and we would drink it together. slowly. we'll be fine if we just sip it, right?

text message at 11:53pm:
- ok i occifkxay do@jot fele anyhing
- *picture of my friend with her head on the table*

text message at 12:01am:
- j ca still seei for tof ot me u@ ht hag's a out jt
- jeuss rjxnignn cheist

at about 12:05am, i started to throw up all over the table next to us. thankfully it was empty. i know the exact time because i have a time stamped picture with vomit everywhere. i think my friend had passed out on our table but i'm not too sure. after this everything gets blurry, but at some point she got up and also started throwing up, and then someone working at the bar escorted us to the bathroom and gave us a bottle of water. we stayed there for a bit, her leaning on the toilet and me hunched over the trash can. not my proudest moment in life. i don't remember paying for any of the drinks. i think they just wanted us out of there as soon as possible.

even though i was also fucked up, my friend was more fucked up, and i had to take care of her. i made her wear her coat and we stumbled out of the bar onto the streets. she kept randomly stopping while walking and crouching down on the ground and i had to keep dragging her. i think at least 5 people came up to us that night asking if my friend was okay. i couldn't help but think, i'm also not okay, does no one care about that? dealing with a drunk friend is hard enough, but dealing with a drunk friend while also equally drunk yourself is a fucking nightmare. but in the end, we made it to the train station. it was about 1am by this point.

text message at 1:28am:
- i threw up like 8 tiems but i stll have yo take care of my frined
- fuck this stupid world
- i'm going to stay over at her house
- i'm f ine but i do5t think shes fine
- god i threw up fuckignall over myself
- what a stupid night

text message at 1:32am:
- i hate myself

we got on the train and sat down on the floor but immediately i felt like i was about to throw up again. i didn't want to make a scene so we got out of that train and started waiting for another. my friend once again assumed her crouched-on-the-floor, head-down-on-her-knees position so i left her there to go get some water. because it was very late we had to wait for another thirty minutes for the train, but that was no problem. i found my friend's airpods in her bag and started listening to music. i don't really remember getting on or getting off the train, but i do remember a couple of hours ago when we had to go the same amount of stops it felt like an eternity, but this time around whenever i raised my head a handful of stops would have passed. time is a weird thing. i do kind of remember the walk home from the train station to my friend's house. we kept bumping into each other and repeating, "we are so fucking dumb. we are stupid. why did we do this?"

text message at 2:35am:
- i'm home
- at my frined's house
- god i feel fuckking horrible
- i can't believ ei we trhew up evreywhere we are so emberasj g

we got home, took off our clothes, then i threw up some more in the bathroom. when i came back my friend was already asleep on the bed so i climbed up the top bunk.

text message at 2:50am:
- ok i'm goign to sleep
- i think

all things considered, i'm pretty proud of myself for being able to get both myself and my friend home safely even though i couldn't see straight. the only thing i really lost was my hair tie... and i guess my dignity, but that's fine. i woke up at 10am the next day to an alarm on my friend's phone. i didn't really do anything on saturday. i wasn't really hungover, just kind of nauseous. my friend on the other hand... she had it pretty bad. she kept randomly throwing up throughout the day and couldn't eat anything or even drink water without getting nauseous again. i honestly think the two bottles of water i chugged saved me. i had half of a boiled potato, looked at the fishes in my friend's dad's aquarium, took the best nap, and then my dad picked me up at 5pm.

then i got home, threw all my vomit clothes in the wash, took a shower, wrote a blog entry to post here, and went to sleep. and that was it. i guess that was my first real "night out". i hope to never repeat it ever again. well... at least for a while. i won't lie, there is still a part of me that's like, but it still was kind of fun, yeah? you did have fun. don't lie. okay fine. but still, no alcohol for me for a long time. that's a promise to myself and also to you. anyway, you already know how yesterday went so now we're all caught up. for the next two weeks i'm dedicating myself to studying and doing well on my finals. no goals for summer yet. we'll see what happens. i do want to do something though. i've been writing this post for two hours now so i guess i'll leave it here. if you read all of this, please give me a sign.