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09-07-23 11:57pm
hey... uhmm... hi...

i have to start writing this post right now or i'll never start. okay. it's been a while. the last entry i posted here was about that one friday that we don't need to think about anymore. a lot has happened since then, but i don't think i'm in the correct mental state to write it all out in a neat and concise manner and give you all the details right now, so i'll just summarize the main points... as much as i can remember.

i struggled through my finals and it was stressful, and then the second year of my university came to an end. halfway through! hurray! then i think i just laid in bed for two weeks straight. at some point i kinda sorta started getting into makeup. also changed the layout of my room. it's way better now, feels like i have more space even though i don't. i'm not good at makeup but it's fun. i went out with my brother at one point and drank a bottle of pink poison. we exchanged stories and i once again realized i don't know my little brother like i think i do, and he's definitely not little anymore. met someone. broke a heart... i think. but it's fine... i think. had a dream i was pregnant. had another i got shot in the head. the other week i went out drinking again with my friend and didn't feel much of anything even though i was really trying. i think i'm upping my alcohol tolerance. that's a bad thing. also getting too comfortable with energy drinks. i need to stop with the poison. i can do it. it's not like i'm addicted. speaking of addiction, my brother's still smoking. as predicted. what else? um... i'm not going to talk about the one big change in my life here, cause like i've said a ton of times already, i don't know who reads these. it doesn't matter that much anyway. idk. i swing back and forth between thinking it's a life-era-defining change and it's not that big of a deal. time will tell.

my loud neighbor is back and she's still loud. i repeat to myself, these people are put on this earth to test me, i'm being tested, i'm being tested, i'm being tested. i would chop her head off with a fucking machete if it meant no consequences. just kidding. i wouldn't do that. i feel like i'm missing something... like there's something i'm not telling you... summer is going by QUICK. 10th of july already? what?! someone stop this madness. slow down. my god. what's the rush? i went out today by myself again. kind of a fail. i wanted to hang around for longer but my phone battery was low so i had to cut it short. i need a real, proper self discovery, looking for myself out there type of adventure soon. i need SOMETHING. a spiritual reset. hmm. i don't know.

i don't want to stop blogging for a long time like this again because it gets harder and harder to pick it up the more time passes. i think it's also because it's way easier to just succumb to short form blogging, quick thoughts-posting, now that i feel comfortable on tumblr again. i know it's not any good though, deep down. i will continue doing this because i promised. oh and i just remembered, i'm working on a new song right now. i don't know when it'll be ready but i feel like i should squeeze that information somewhere in here as well. i think this is it?! what a mess. my blog has no consistency or theme anymore. my blog that no one reads... so does it really matter... anyway... i will try to write again soon. trust me! i don't like disappearing like this. is anyone still here? was anyone waiting on me? hello? goodbye?! see you later!?!