the eighth month of 2023
it's august and it really feels like it. there's a certain august feel in the air, like this is exactly what august feels like every single year. nearing the end of the blurry summer days and time to start mentally preparing for having responsibilities and doing things again. UGHHH but also YAAAY because i think i'm ready for it. i have a feeling everything will be different after this summer. i'm excited for school and to have a full busy schedule and i'm also excited to not be a weirdo, or at least to try not to be. i will make friends this time. i will! don't look at me like that. i know i said this last year as well but all my classes were online last semester so i can't be blamed for failing. this year it will be different. my goal is to have made at least one friend i want to hang out with outside of school by the end of the semester. please please please god let me find like-minded people. maybe i'll join a club. that would be really pushing myself out of my comfort zone but MAYBE that's what i need. ok. if future me is reading this, hey, and if you're still friendless, that's ok. don't beat yourself up over it. i love you.
i've been giving my brother english lessons for the past three days and i want to keep it going until school starts or at least until the end of august. i'm motivated because i get paaaaid for it >:) but also it's a nice way of spending more time with my brother. i give him homework and stuff to do and he does it and shows it to me and mentally i'm smiling. another thing i've been busy with is making sloooow freaking progress on the song i told you i was working on. i'm just not really sure what i'm doing. like ever. but at least i'm trying and that's gotta count for something. also been having weird dreams. i think i'm not wanted in my dream world anymore. i will write a whole thing on this one of these days but i feel like i need to be in the right mindset for it. another thing to add to my ever-growing "i'll get to it" pile of things to do.
i saw calico outside the other day and got sad because she was sick. i didn't even really want to pet her because she had a runny nose and was wiping herself on me and making wheezing sounds... ;_; i feel so bad for stray cats but i know it's not my responsibility to care for all of them, i would if i had the time and money, but all i can do right now is to just leave food and water for them and hope they'll be ok. sigh. i need to replace my phone battery. that last part is unrelated. on the first day of august i stayed up all night waiting for the city to wake up, and then i got on the first available train and spent all morning walking around by the sea. i think i achieved the reset i was looking for by doing that. it felt extra right because it was the start of a new month. who's keeping track btw? do we really know for sure that it's august right now? don't bother answering. i'll put pictures down below that i took of the beautiful sea.
also i love my boyfriend. bye bye.