back to blog entries directory...

16-08-23 8:59pm
be nice to me

most of the time i feel like my answer to questions like "how are you doing" or "what have you been up to" is too detailed and it makes people uncomfortable. or not. idk. i probably made that up in my head. my whole life is just saying or doing things and then looking around to see if anyone cares. i just want someone to care. actually i have found the one person on this earth who is capable of caring about me and i am the luckiest girl alive for that. some people never find the one, how sad is that? i don't actually think this. just saying words recreationally. you care, right? you're reading my neocities blog post, of course you do. people need to be more open about showing how much or how little they care. it would be very helpful for those of us in the insecure crowd. be sincere! be sincere like you have a gun to your head! but i know it's not all on you. if it's not you being insincere, it's me not trusting your sincerity. but actually, you know what, it's still on you, because come on man, at least TRY a little to convince me!

oh? how am i doing? you want to know what i've been up do? are you asking because you care? sorry. i cut my hair the other day. snipped a little off the ends and made my bangs shorter. when i realized i cut my bangs slightly too short and i can't tuck the hair behind my ears anymore i was annoyed at myself for a second, but then i stopped being annoyed, because having to clip my bangs back sometimes is just one more thing to do in this life, and really, that's a good thing. i feel like the tone of how i write my posts has changed. it's fine! nothing stays the same all the time, i don't need to go back and edit every single post i've ever made to sound more like this now, that would be an insane thing to do. don't even suggest that. i cut my hair, i went through all the stuff in my room and got rid of a whole pile of things, i took my cat to the vet, and i realized i'm happy. new paragraph.

I'M HAPPY. i know this because i've been feeling very stable lately. so stable you could park a horse in my mind. even while pmsing i didn't get into any weird mindsets and that's huge. i only cried once during my period and it was a happy-sad cry over a fake scenario. i'm lucky and i'm happy and i'm glad and i'm appreciating it and talking about it because i am allowed to talk about my feelings not only when i feel horrible but also when i feel good. i'm pretty much done with my song. i'll probably have uploaded it to youtube by the next time i write here, so umm, look forward to that if you care. do you even care!!?! sorry. i'm joking. my friend invited me on vacation for a week but i'm not sure if i want to go. a week is just too long! i feel like i'll freak out by the end of it. i'm spending tomorrow with her so i'll perform an analysis in my mind and try to see the future of if i can manage to stay sane with her for a week, and then i'll make my decision. i hope i don't say yes in a panic tomorrow when she asks me. my tooth hurts. okay. goodbye. love you maybe.