hey... um. i've once again decided to stop posting on tumblr. 8 months ago when i made my new blog i said i would stop the second it stopped being fun, so i'm stopping now. simple as that! [edit from three days later: ok maybe i will not stop posting COMPLETELY but i'll post less. i get bored. i need something. ok.] i had a very tiring week. i spent about 80% of the friend vacation on the beach, and the other 20% existing in a state of almost reaching my tipping point but not quite. it was fun, i made cool memories, but when i'm out of my usual routine it's like i start seeing a timer in the right upper corner of my vision and i have to make it back to my safe place before it reaches zero and the whole world explodes. i can't help being a scaredy cat.

some of my favorite parts of the whole thing were: the long bus ride (8-9 hours) i had to go on to there and back, listening to music and zoning out looking out the window, uninterrupted and undisrupted daydreaming time all to myself, looking at all the farms we were driving past and imagining what it would be like to live on one, sitting on the beach while the sun sets, buzzed from drinking wine too fast, talking and laughing and drawing shapes in the sand, being in the sea and diving down to see fishes swimming right beneath my feet, racing on the beach and leaving my friend in the dust. all things considered, i'm glad i went. my birthday was pretty nice as well.

i felt my battery levels slowly depleting and decided to come home two days early and i'm glad i made that choice. yesterday was rough. i'm sure it was just pms hormones messing with my brain chemistry but i wouldn't want to have had that breakdown while still with my friend, that's for sure. it's okay though! i get knocked down, but i get up again, you're never gonna keep me down - as chumbawamba once said. i still ate normal meals and went to the gym despite feeling like staying in bed all day and starving myself. recognizing the demons and saying no!!!! to them. the weather is getting colder and it makes me happy. fall time is the best time. i bought a digital camera online this morning and i'm excited for it to arrive. i think i'm going to make a separate page for pictures. i also have some cool pictures that i took while on vacation so maybe i'll upload them there as well. it's time i do something a little more with this website, yes? yes!