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16-05-22 10:21pm
okay now time for an actual life update

AAAAH. did i scare you. lol. you should've seen your face.

the other night i dreamed about the death of two family members. it was two seperate dreams: in the first one i was in the car with my dad, just driving around the neighborhood. everything was normal until my dad accidentally cut someone off in traffic or something mundane like that, which is totally normal and happens all the time and surely isn't something to get too angry about, but from that point on i could feel that something was wrong. still we kept on going, not realizing that the man my dad had cut off was one of those crazy-insane-scary-unpredictible people that are set off by the smallest things and that he was following us home to get his revenge. i don't quite remember how everything unfolded but the dream ended with the man stabbing my dad repeatedly in the chest and me kneeling over him, crying and calling out for my mom. i bolted awake at 4am, horrified. whenever i have dreams like that i always feel scared to go back to sleep - i don't know if you've gathered this about me from my previous posts but i have a weird relationship with my dreams, in the sense that that they tend to leak into my daily life - but i did fall back asleep after all, and in the second dream i saw my granddad die. this one wasn't as dramatic, actually it was just an event that took place in a bigger dream. i don't remember much about it, just that it was a thing that happened. like a very distant and blurry memory. kind of weird that it was two in a row.

other than that... well, life is going on still. i wake up every day and do life. waiting for summer. it actually is starting to get quite warm now and it's disgusting. it's not the heat i'm looking forward to but all the free time i'm going to have on my hands. four whole months. so many possibilities. i should do something with all that time. also i think the website i was using for my guestbook went down or something so i will need to make a new one. some day. not today.