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22-05-22 6:29pm
crow rejection, highschool nostalgia

last night i dreamed that i made friends with a crow and held it in my arms like a baby. this morning, i woke up, got dressed, grabbed a small bag of cat food, and went outside to try to befriend some crows. i know they like cat food because every time i try to feed the neighborhood cats they (the crows) try to steal it. unfortunately i came home this afternoon, disappointed, and having made zero crow friends. i got ignored by every single crow i tried to initiate a friendship with. they didn't even respond to my amazing crow noises. i will try to not let this discourage me because i read online that the key to befriending crows is consistency and patience. i respect that, and i will respectfully keep trying until they accept me into their gang.

on another note, i've been thinking about how abruptly highschool ended for me. covid hit right at the beginning of the second semester of my last year so i didn't even get to have a proper graduation. no real ending. no closure. one day i just went to school not knowing it was going to be my last day, the last time i see a lot of people, the last time i talk a lot of friends. there's only one person i still talk to from that period of my life and i feel like if she hadn't made such an effort to keep in touch with me i would have lost her too. i just sent a birthday message to someone that used to be one of my best friends back then, "i hope one day we can go back to how we used to be", but i'm not sure if i even believe that myself. there's a chance i might see her again soon and i don't know how to feel about it. we go to the same university yet we never talk, neither of us brave enough to reach out because of just how weird and suddenly our friendship ended. sigh. it's weird. things are weird. i am a completely different person than i used to be back then. my hair is long now. i wonder if she will comment on it.